In light of the celebration of summer, I went home and got my yukata... There was much to be mended and cleaned, but I think I fixed everything.


I hope it looks alright...

So much has happened, and I feel as if my feelings are being torn from one way to the next!

Besides classes going slower than expected (which I regret to inform...), I found out the way in which Umetaro passed away from dear Iesada-san.  I am really happy that she took the time out of her day to help me find out exactly the circumstances of his passing, and I've spent my last days mourning for him.  Oh, I still do miss him very much, but finally knowing that he died honorably has given me focus.  Takemaru-kun gave me loads of support as well, and I think he's ready to move on as well.

As if that wasn't enough, I... well, I don't know how to say it.  I don't know what it is I'm feeling.  It started the other day when I was training with Uemiya-san and Seiji-kun, and... well, all of a sudden I just felt so nervous, like a child, around Uemiya-san.  It wasn't really bad though, it just made my heart beat really quick.  When he showed me how to hold a sword, a warm feeling rose inside of me that I have never felt before.  It could be that I... like him, but or am I just admiring him like a student admires their senior?  Oh, I don't know what to think and I don't know if I can go to anyone about this!

I stare at a painting he gave to me a lot.  It's so beautiful, and I see a side of him that no one has seen yet.  The creativity he has in that rigid personality!  It really is amazing.

Well, it's almost a new year, and I am heading forward with my goals in sight.  I am going to try and not let these feelings confuse or impede me.  I do have a life ahead of me and plenty of time to deal with matters of the heart.

Classes are underway and I have to say that maybe... I was not quite prepared for what was going to happen. So far, I am the least experienced in battle out of all the new students.  While most of the students have had at least some kind of training or experiences, I really am new at this.  Oh, why couldn't have I asked Aniki anything before he left? 

Yesterday I met the combat arts teacher, Iwao-sensei.  He was ... interesting, to say the least.  The entire semester only has one assignment -- we have to disarm him.  Alone I think this task would have been impossible for me, given my lack of ability, but he assigned us partners to train with.  I was partnered with someone named Desmond, though I've never met him.  I do trust Iwao-sensei's judgment, and I have faith that I can learn many things while partnered with Desmond.

I just pray that Desmond has the patience... I don't want to be a burden on anyone. I came to this academy to become a Shinigami like Umetaro, but I'd hate it if I had to drag people behind in order to do so.  Takemaru told me not to worry so much, but I can't help feel a little nervous... if I fail at this, everything I've done up to this point would have been for naught.

I'm going to try and do some training on my own, some kind of strength training or getting myself familiar with a sword.  I sure do have a work cut out for me...

I'm in the standard class.  In fact, everyone I know is in the standard class.  It was a very informative and inspiring sort of presentation by Dean and his assistant, and it has made my resolve even stronger.  Now that I've been assigned to the class I am going to work very hard to be the best Shinigami that I can be.

However, not everything is well.  Uemiya-san, who I expected to be in the advanced class, was embarrassed in front of everyone by the assistant and then told that he was in the standard class.  I felt very bad for him ... He's always been so calm and composed, and I felt like he knew so much more than any of us.  But to see him stand there and be so humiliated and disappointing was heart-breaking.  I wanted to talk to him but I wasn't able to approach him until yesterday...

There's a few things I cannot understand, and the responsibilities of a noble are some of those things.  My parents used to be nobles, and maybe know I realize why they live so humbly now.  Uemiya-san feels as if he has no purpose anymore, but how can anyone feel like that?  If he could take charge of his own life, learn to smile and just do his best with what life has given him... Well, like I said before, maybe it's something I really do not understand.  

Classes start this week, I'm excited and scared at the same time!  I can only imagine what is in store for everyone now.  In any rate, I wish everyone good luck! 

I couldn't sleep very well last night.  Well, the last couple of nights have been a little rough, but last night especially I couldn't settle down.  I was thinking all night, about what would happen today and where my life is taking me...

Now I'm sitting outside, once again pondering and for once wanting time to go more quickly.  I'm going to try and play my shamisen to calm my nerves, but my fingers are very clumsy right now.

There's only two days before orientation, and only now have I come to this realization.   Maybe I was just too busy to notice it, or maybe I was just too confused.  But now I am able to finally gather my thoughts now as I sit here alone in the courtyard.  I better write them quickly before I forget about them!

A year ago from today, I could have not imagined myself where I am now.  At that time... I was home in the Rukongai, alone with my parents, wondering each day how Aniki was doing.  My life was quiet then, even with Takemaru-kun as a constant companion.  At times I might have thought about leaving to follow Aniki to the academy, but no... I was still much too afraid at the time to upset the relative peace in my life.  I trusted Aniki would do his best and return one day and let each day pass quietly.

But I did not have to do anything to upset the tranquility.  His death still weighs heavily upon me, and sometimes I really believe he'll come running around the corner and tell me everything that I've missed.

How silly of me to think that way, though!  I know fully well that he has passed on, yet here my heart has taken me, because I so desperately wanted to carry on with him.  What happened to that reluctance from before?  Though this thought might be concerning, I really do believe that Aniki's will has carried me to this point.  And, for that, I will stay here and do my best, because I know that's what he would have done.

I've made a few friends...!  Though, if Takemaru-kun had not come with me, I would have felt really lonely!  After I passed the entrance exams (which must have been a miracle all in itself), I ran across a very stoic and cool sort of young man, Uemiya Matsuhiro.  What a noble-sounding name that is!  He just passed the entrance exams, too, but he was able to steer off a couple of upperclassmen when they were terrorizing me about Aniki.  I was really, really impressed!  And, somehow, he strengthened my resolve to find out what happened to Aniki through the few words that he spoke to me.  Oh, and he can paint really well, too!  He painted a picture of plum blossoms for me to put in my room, how nice is that?  Maybe he doesn't deserve the reputation that he has for being such a cold guy, but we'll see as classes start, right?

I also met another quiet young man named Toshiaki Seiji, and he seems to be a very nice person, as well.  Very studious!  He shares a dorm with Uemiya-san, and I can only wonder how two quiet personalities will clash--

... In speaking of which, my roommate is a girl named Shirahime Kourin.  She's barely spoken to me at all, and when she does, I have a feeling she doesn't like me at all.  Very cold, quiet, and mysterious.  I've been so nervous and shy around her that I've tried to... avoid my room for the most part, except for when I need to sleep.  Well, maybe over the year, she'll warm up a little and we'll both feel more comfortable around one another!  When the newness wears away...

... When the newness wears away.  Just longing for that feeling is making me a little scared of what is to come, but I will not waver!  Aniki wouldn't have, and neither will I.  I sit here now with the future lying ahead of me, and I must preserve and move forward. 

It's getting a bit dark outside now, I suppose I better head inside.  Maybe there's someone I can talk to for a while before too much time goes by.